Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Merry Christmas Eve

Sunday, December 21, 2008

I miss NBTSC

A couple of days ago Grace (Llewellyn, of the Teenage Liberation Handbook variety) sent out a mail saying signup for NBTSC 09 starts in Febuary. Why's she gotta do that to me? Get me all excited for camp when it's nine months away. I think it's just cruel.

I'm not sure I can adequately put into words what camp means to me. Screw Disneyland - it's the happiest place on earth. The instant I got there, way back in 06, I felt welcome. A little on the fringe cuz I only knew the people I had come with and a lot intimidated, but welcome. My first year I was very much a wallflower. I met alot of people and learned almost every single person's name, but only connected with a handful of people. I mostly just watched. I was thirteen and I didn't know the first thing about myself. I hadn't begun building myself yet and my camp experience laid out the foundation for the me you see today. It showed me what my life could be and, more importantly, what I could be. Not camp itself, really, but the people there. There were amazing people who inspired, amazed, and awed me, not to mention some that intimidated the hell out of me. You know, your basic 'cool kids'. I didn't quite get it then, but I know now that not a single person at camp is cool. They're just who they are. Some of them, mostly the old campers, are scary as shit to the first years. They're older, they're confident in themselves, and they know everybody. Intimidating, no? I'm pretty sure I didn't approach a single old camper my first year. They didn't quite seem safe. They were new territory; a kind of person I'd never come across before.
I came back in 07 an entirely different person. I'd spent the year between my first year and my second expanding and growing and venturing into heretofore unexplored ways of being and found one I liked. 07 was definitely my favorite year of my three years at camp. I was as happy with me as I could be and camp nurtured that. I branched out, talked to more people, hung out with more people, and made deep connections. And I realized that in the space of one little year I had gone from a wallflower to one of the scary-as-hell cool, older campers. I dunno how it happened. I probably wouldn't have realized it if one of the people I intimidated (it's weird to think of myself as intimidating; I don't feel intimidating) hadn't pointed it out to me. I was intimidating. As much as it sucked, knowing people were scared to talk to me, it did great things for the old self esteem :D. 07 was good for me. It helped me grow and learn much more about me, it pushed my comfort zone, and it brought me the greatest friend I've ever had (other than Chloe, of course).
This year was a strange year. Not many people I knew were there, so it forced me to widen my circle, but it also shrank my circle. I hung out with a lot of people I probably wouldn't have otherwise, which was fabulous, but I spent most of my time with pretty much ten or fifteen specific people, probably seeming unapproachable and scary. I was an old camper. An upperclassman, so to speak.
I don't want to be intimidating in 09. I want everyone to look at me and know that I love them, even if we've never spoken. I want to be a friend, a support, a sister, a role model, whatever. I wish that all the first years or whoever is feeling overwhelmed or anything would have, like, radar that pointed me out to them, so they'd know that, even if we've only seen each other from afar, I'll drop what I'm doing to meet them, hug them, introduce them to everyone, or hide them away where no one can find them. Whatever they need at that specific moment in time I will do my best to provide it. I don't want a single person to be afraid to talk to me. Sure, I throw clothes on in interesting combinations and am friends with all the intimidating people, it doesn't mean I don't want to meet you or that I'm cooler than you or cool at all. I'm a klutz and I have very ditzy moments. I'm probably as lost as you are in real life, but at camp I know exactly who I am, where I am, and where I'm going. You probably do, too, if you look hard enough.
NBTSC has created me, broken me, fulfilled me, hurt me, changed me, solidified me, and has had a huge part in making me who I am today. I am beyond thankful for it. Every single person who has set foot in that place has had an impact on me, whether they know it or not. Probably not.
And that's not even mentioning Grace. She makes a point to learn your name. Even if you only talk to her for two minutes you know from the way she smiles at you that she loves you deeply, just for existing. It can rock you to your core, being loved instantaneously just for that.

So, yeah. I'm excited for camp.
You should go this year. I'm not exaggerating about a single thing.

Dum Da Dum Dum

I got it from my momma.

The meme: A combination of the letter meme and the in-your-own-handwriting meme.The instructions:You leave a comment on this post, and I’ll assign you a letter. You write about ten things you love that begin with your assigned letter, and post it at your place. When people comment on your list, you give them a letter, and the chain continues on and on.

The handwriting:

The writing:

1. Death or Glory - The Clash

What can I say? It's my favorite Clash song. I used to be partial to London Calling, then it was This Is Radio Clash, but now I'm all over Death or Glory. If you haven't heard it, there's no time like the present.

2. Dude

The word. Although, 'dudes' are pretty good, too.

3. Daily Show

Need I say more?

4. Disney movies

All the twirling and the singing and the cute animal sidekicks. You just get addicted to the whole happily-ever-after deal.

5. Dark chocolate

Regular old chocolate is super, for sure, but I'm pretty sure I like dark better. I don't know where I got it from cuz dad hates dark and I don't think mom likes it either.

6. Dawn of the Dead

George Romero is the god of zombie movies. This one in particular is my favorite of his, but Land of the Dead is supremely hardcore, too.

dawn of the dead Pictures, Images and Photos

7. Dancing

yea boii

8. Dew, Mountain

And by that I mean Mountain Dew. But not gross old, classic, lemon lime Mountain Dew. It's the crappiest lemon lime soda of all time. Oh, no. I like Code Red and Supernova. mhmmm

9. Doing

Your mom.
And my nails.
And other equally exciting things.

10. Dags

Saturday, December 20, 2008

We got a tree!

Finally. We got our tree yesterday and put it up last night. Hijinks ensued. First the tree wouldn't stand up straight. Right now it's still slightly crooked. Our angel looks kind of like she's of the avenging variety. Second the tree was covered with big hunks of ice that we had to pick off. Third the strings of lights were kinked all to hell cuz they were fresh out of the box. But after that it was cake.

Warm Fuzzies

Chloe and I just got done with our weekly dance party. We stopped in the middle though, briefly, to look at this lovely thing. We paused a song that gives me the warm fuzzies to watch that, which gave me even more warm fuzzies. Which inspired my to give you warm fuzzies.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Thursday Thirteen :D

Thirteen Things On My (Very Messy) Desk
1. CDs: Panic at the Disco, Pretty. Odd., Kimya Dawson, My Cute Fiend Sweet Princess; Kimya Dawson, Knock-Knock Who?; The Sex Pistols, Nevermind the Bollocks Here's the Sex Pistols; David Bowie, Best of Bowie; Sinead Lohan, No Mermaid; Wonder Boys Soundtrack; Mindless Self Indlugence, If; Jem, Finally Woken; Flight of the Conchords Soundtrack; Eve 6, Eve 6; O Brother Where Art Thou? Soundtrack; and (don't laugh) The Backstreet Boys, Black and Blue.

2. Books: Anne Rice, The Vampire Lestat; Andre Norton, Dare to Go A-Hunting; James Patterson, Maximum Ride: The Angel Experiment; and Stephenie Meyer, New Moon.

3. Movies: Interview With the Vampire, Hannibal, and V for Vendetta.

4. A multitude of notebooks.

5. Five Monster cans that have pen turned into pencil holders.

6. My D40

7. Tons of magazine cut-outs to go on my walls.

8. A stuffed animal of the Taco Bell dog that speaks. It says 'here lizard, lizard, lizard'.

9. A Rubik's cube with one and a half sides solved.

10. Almost all the makeup I own.

11. My old mouse and the box for the new one.

12. Pictures.

13. A pin that belonged to my great great grandma.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Merry Early Christmas!

Sunday, December 14, 2008

I'm back!

The reason I haven't posted in so long is because I somehow picked up a nasty virus (that, in my opinion, was the computer equivalent of AIDS) on my computer and only got my computer back and running yesterdy. Hopefully completely free of viruses and staying that way. Right now my plan is to run full virus scans on my computer every single day until I'm over my paranoia.

I'm crazy excited to have my computer back and I've barely been off it since I got it back, which probably means you'll be seeing more posts soon :D

The kind of thing you've been missing while I was inactive:

fail owned pwned pictures

Aren't you glad I'm back in action?